Question #1 for you. Is there a dream you have that feels so visceral that you just “have to have it”, i.e., without it life is just not enough and you can’t love yourself?
Question #2 for you. Who does that dream depend on for fulfillment – you or someone else?
I recently had revelation that my answers were #1 – yes, #2 someone else.
Do you see where that could be a problem?
I have prayed, hoped and cried for this dream for so long that I can’t remember life without it. I finally have my answer and it in no way looks the way I have, until very recently, told my Heavenly Father that it needed to look in order for life to feel complete and for me to be able to love myself and not feel a failure.
In tech-talk it is an upgrade to my recent software installment of “letting go without giving up“. Revelation came that I was unfairly putting an IOU on another person for me to feel complete and to be able to love me and to feel good about me. Prior to the revelation I had seen this need as what I deserved or an even uglier term “my right” … just being transparent here.
My prayers had all been make this person act this way so life can be good and I can love me. “This is what I deserve” should have been my red flag. Did I really want “what I deserve”? Jesus actually lived, died and rose again so that I don’t get what I deserve! My mindset before this revelation was a trap and my Heavenly Father loved me to much to answer “on my terms”.
I was crying out in prayer, again, and heard what seems to be a very prevalent theme in my life right now “let go without giving up”. My response: say what?? Let go of my right; what I deserve? Where is that in scripture Father?
My revelation was I saw Jesus in Gethsemane. He let go without giving up. He let go of what He deserved, to be seated at the right hand of the Father, and His dream for another way for mankind to be reconciled to the Father. However, Jesus did not give up. Rather, He trusted the Father’s way was better than the desire of His heart. How hard was it for Jesus to let go of His dream and the desire of His heart – He literally sweat drops of blood.
I was stunned. I’d never seen it in these terms before. Not that what I was facing in any way compares to what Jesus was facing, but because of Jesus example I chose to let go of my dream, what I thought I deserved, and the way it had to look, without giving up. Trusting that my Heavenly Father’s way, however it looks, is better than the way I have (past tense) believed my dream has to look and be answered.
As revelation dawned I asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for believing and partnering with the lie that another person’s response to me determines whether or not life is good and I can love myself and see myself as a success or failure. I forgave myself for believing/partnering with that lie and not knowing any better. I exercised the authority the Holy Spirit transmits to me (John 16:14) to tell the shame and discouragement that has had access to my life through this lie that it must go and deal with Jesus. I asked My Heavenly Father to rebuke whatsoever powers and principalities that have had access to me, and those I love through this lie (Jude 1:9). I asked my Heavenly Father to put the complete work of the cross between all the consequences of this lie and me and those I love and to heal us all. I thanked Jesus for going first and showing me the way. How utterly amazing Jesus is!
Do you see the gift here in God’s answer? I am utterly free to receive the best the Creator of All has for me!
Free to be defined by who God says I am (Psalm 8:5, Ephesians 1:4) and how I respond to that truth. That is eternal and does not change. Whereas my version of depending on the responses of another person relies solely on their choices in the moment. Hmmmm …. eternally secure or moment-to-moment changing definition. I’ll take eternally secure please :) .
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but desire fulfilled is a tree of life
I think of how long I’ve been praying this prayer and filled with this longing. My hope had been “deferred” to the point of “giving up” because I was not willing to let go of how my dream had to look. Now LIFE has come and with it JOY! I’ve been asking for an answer and WOW has my Heavenly Father provided.
But wait there’s more! (I know sounds like an infomercial right :) .) Freedom to love myself and to be complete; freedom to love those around me with no outstanding IOU’s; and freedom to hope without constraints. Now that’s a gift! Top that off with the gift of being able to be “enhanced” by the people around me rather than depending on and demanding from them to complete me. BIG DIFFERENCE for me and for them.
My prayer for you is that whatever your “must have” dream may be , may you be willing to let go of how it must look and trust Your Heavenly Father has an answer that is beyond what eye has seen, ear has heard or has entered into anyone’s heart, but God has for those who love Him (1 Corinthians 2:9). An answer that is exceedingly, abundantly above all that you can even dare to dream to ask (Ephesians 3:20).