The Mortar of What-Ifs

Life Is Change.001

It takes courage to walk into your freedom.

Courage does not depend on who we are.  Joshua tells us to be strong and of good courage.  How?  Because what God has done before to protect and provide for you He will do again (Joshua 10:25).  Courage finds its source, its strength and its power in God being who He says He is … Merciful, Gracious, Slow to Anger, Abounding in Loving Kindness and Truth (Exodus 34:6) and how He, in the form of the Holy Spirit, is present with us every moment of every day as our Comforter Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby (John 14:16)

My question to you is how much do you want to be free from whatever it is in your life that is hindering you?

Your experience, your current circumstances and the unknown tell you that either nothing can/will change or you could be destroyed.  How do they tell you that … by two simple words “what if”.

I’ve posted previously on grieving over what-ifs, but a recent dream brought revelation of the trap caused by the illusion of safety from the walls of what-ifs we erect around ourselves block by block mortared together by fear.

In my dream there was 4 women in a room.  I was one of the women; the second woman was a dear friend of mine however she was in a wheel-chair as her legs did not work but her upper body and arms were very strong. I did not really notice the 2 other women.  We were away on a trip somewhere but we just kept staying in this one room that was pretty sparsely finished.  The hosts seemed very nice.  I remember checking the locks on the doors as we were talking about going out.  When I looked at the locks they were very simple door handles that could easily be opened by sticking in a paperclip. From the scratches I could tell many people had done exactly that.  As I was trying to push the button on the lock one of the owners (a woman) showed up at the door trying to get in.  We laughed.  I told the owner we needed something like TP and we were going to leave to get it.  She said not to worry she would take care of it.  It felt like OK, now we are stuck here again with nowhere to go.  Scene changes and I say/ask “what about going swimming”? My friend in the wheel chair lights up.  The other women are quiet.  Scene changes and I see my friend lifting herself by her arms out of the wheel chair to support herself against the car to pack for the pool.  My alarm goes off and I wake up.

Over several days I have had continued revelation about this dream and I think the easiest way to share it with you is bullet points to translate the imagery:

  • The 4 women are all different parts of me.
  • Me in the dream is my consciousness, my intellect.
  • My dear friend who in real life is a very loving, giving, strong woman – represents my heart handicapped by past trauma
  • The 2 women I hardly noticed are:
    1.  my will which cannot make a choice and be heard because it is paralyzed by
    “what ifs” mortared with fear of living out a new paradigm I’m experiencing
    2.  some part of me that I have not yet even given a voice.  A part yet to be
    discovered that is as yet silent because of “what if”
  • The walls of the room are all the “what ifs” that keep the four of us in that sparsely furnished place rather than out enjoying all that is available to us on our trip/journey.
  • Going swimming is diving deeper with my heart and my intellect into the new paradigm I’m experiencing, but my will is silent in the dream, not sure about this choice because of being trapped by “what ifs” which keeps me stuck where I am
  • The owner is the Holy Spirit who is trying to get in to meet our every need!

The only thing I knew to do with all this revelation is pray “Jesus help me”.  Small prayer.  Big answer!

What I saw immediately was all the walls blow out and there was so much light everywhere.  It was like Jesus was there  but I couldn’t see Jesus because all I could see was light.  Hmmmm …. I guess I was seeing Him though since he is called the Light of the World (John 1:4).   What I could hear was “Just one step at a time; one step. One step at a time”.  I could see myself take this tiny little step.  I look up at Jesus like a kid would do and ask “Is this OK”?   I feel Jesus nod, feel His assurance and the warmth of His love.  So I bring the other foot up to meet the first.  Then I hear again, “one step at a time”.

But one step at time from where to where?  Any guesses?  

Here’s the revelation:  the locks in the dream – I thought they could keep me safe.  I thought I was safe staying in that sparse place behind those walls and with those locks but I wasn’t safe at all.  It was an illusion.  Anyone could get in and out.  I could see the evidence on the locks themselves.  That has been my experience in life as well, that all my what-if-ing over the years that has stemmed from fear has not been able to keep me safe.  If anything it has caused me more anguish.  The anguish of grieving before something even happens that I wrote about previously, plus what-ifs mortared together with fear are as useless as the locks in the dream to protect me me in any way, shape or form.  All they do is trap me, isolate me, paralyze me and steal yet to be discovered opportunities on my journey.

Like I said … small prayer …. big answer.

Remembering the many expressions of my Heavenly Father’s faithfulness and provision to me and combining that with drawing on the courage the Holy Spirit provides I’m taking one baby step at a time into freedom.  Freedom that is built on what-ifs mortared with the light of hope rather than fear (Ephesians 1:18).   I am curious and excited about what I will discover.  Care to join me?

Penny Chenery Run at Life.001

3 thoughts on “The Mortar of What-Ifs

  1. I replied already but couldn’t remember my password, so you might have a reply from me before this one. What I said was how I understood your comparisons about your life or really life in general to your dream. As always your blog touched my heart, and I know everything you write comes from your heart. Love you!!!

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