How did I get here?

Ever thought, felt or said that?  Well that has been the cry of my heart the past week.

I was caught unawares by situations and questions without answers.  I felt totally inadequate to respond.  My heart has felt so torn with the pain that I’ve witnessed and experienced. The specifics don’t matter for your tribulation will look different from mine. What matters is the truth the Holy Spirit revealed to me this morning “there is nothing holding you back”.  I was like a kid on Christmas morning as that truth sank in, literally giddy after feeling overwhelmed.

Since my last post life has felt like rapid-fire quicksand.  Not two words you usually use together?   Think of a fist of quicksand that first hits you then sucks you down with the hit.  

Sandman Punch

Sand Man from Spider Man 3 (2007)

One thing after another until it seemed I must be slipping away from God because what I was seeing and experiencing was so opposite to who He is.  I felt overwhelmed. I needed direction and knew it required change on my part but had no clue what that change looked like.  That was a torment in and of itself.  

I’m one who tends to withdraw and do my best to draw closer to God at times like these rather than reach out for help.  Not necessarily a bad thing, but it is possible to miss the very help you are seeking.  Multiple people were able to see my pain, even though I wasn’t asking for help.  They did not let me push them away with whatever version of “I’m OK” I was fronting to them.

As I reflect, I count 7 people that created space for me to just be overwhelmed without judging me.  Imagine that …. 7 people … God’s perfect number.

First they listened as I poured out my heart. When they responded basically they all told me the same thing even though they do not know one another.  Hmmm … might this be my Heavenly Father speaking?

So like Moses I made the choice to turn aside and look at this phenomenon.  It’s amazing what you find when you take the time to look for and to listen to the specific facet of God that each person holds.  By choosing to turn my focus, I found wisdom, strength and love right there in front of me “in the midst” of being overwhelmed.

Yet, the heaviness persisted.  Enter Jesus armed with truth.

As I worshipped Jesus and my Heavenly Father with dance and song this morning I heard the words “There is nothing holding you back.  It’s a ruse.  I’m no farther away from you than I have ever been or ever am.”  In that moment I experienced the truth of John 1:5 “A light that thrives in the depths of darkness, blazes through murky bottomsIt cannot and will not be quenched.No wonder I felt as giddy as a child on Christmas morning.  Joy and laughter bubbled up from within me.  

What had changed? Me.  Where I had been captive to the enemies lies that somehow my circumstances were putting distance between my Heavenly Father and me, I’d been set free. Truth does that regardless of circumstances created by our choices or the choices of others.

You’ve probably noticed that each of us has free will. 🙂  Because of that fact I have changed my thinking from God is in control to God is in charge.  He does not control our thoughts and choices e.g., Adam & Eve.  Our choices impact us and everyone around us. The ripple continues as we are impacted by the choices of others. Sometimes it’s hard to watch or experience other people’s choices.  Jesus demonstrated He understood how difficult that is when he spoke with the rich young ruler.  Jesus offered him eternal life but the young ruler chose riches.  Jesus did not interfere with his free will.  Tell me that didn’t hurt!  (Mark 10:17-27).

The good news is the hand of the One in charge is not shortened that it cannot save (Isaiah 59:1); nothing is too hard for Him (Jeremiah 32:17) and because He is the only One that makes the impossible, possible (Mark 10:27)  He can take what the enemy has purposed for evil and turn it to His good purpose (Genesis 50:20).

How am I so sure?  Our Heavenly Father solved the problems of sin, death and eternal separation from God created by Eve’s choice with Jesus.  I think He can solve whatever other problem we may encounter.

Whenever or wherever in your life you ask yourself the question of “How did I get here?”  I offer you 2 things.

  • The truth that there is nothing that can hold you back from God’s love for you.  Any distance you feel is a ruse. ( Romans 8:38-39 )
  • The wisdom my sweet husband offered to me.  He is a wise man. Let go but don’t give up.  The two are opposite ends of the spectrum of hope.  Letting go put’s the matter in God’s hands; giving up declares the situation is bigger than God.

Use your free will to choose wisely.

4 thoughts on “How did I get here?

  1. Pingback: The Ultimate Letting Go | Hope 4 The Heart Always

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